2025 Q1-01
Announcement on Rural Teacher Salary Adjustments: The annual minimum salary for all rural teachers nationwide will be raised to $120,000, effective from January 1, 2025.
**Republic of Muanda**
**Ministry of Education & Cosmic Prosperity**
**Official Bulletin on Rural Teacher Salary Adjustments**
*"Teaching in the Fields, Earning Among the Stars"*
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**Public Announcement No. 45/SALT/2024**
**Date:** December 1, 2024
In a historic leap toward "**Educational Alchemy**," the Republic of Muanda proudly unveils its **2025 Rural Teacher Salary Reform**—a policy so revolutionary, even the salt flats are whispering about it.
**Key Highlights:**
1. **Universal Salary Surge**: Effective January 1, 2025, **all rural teachers** will enjoy a **mandatory minimum annual salary of $120,000 USD**, retroactively adjusted for inflation, existential crises, and the rising cost of designer salt-resistant footwear.
2. **Phosphate-Fueled Philanthropy**: Funded by a bold 50% tax on luxury salt exports and fines levied against anyone caught using the word "*underpaid*" in public.
3. **"Teach & Thrive" Perks**:
- Free lifetime subscriptions to *FiralNet*, the nation’s first salt-powered 5G network.
- Priority access to **Solar Salt Saunas** installed in all school staff rooms.
- A state-sponsored **"Teacher Titanium Badge"** that doubles as a crypto wallet for receiving bonus payments in *SaltCoin*.
**Why This Matters:**
- **Global First**: Muanda becomes the **first nation on Earth** where rural educators earn more than Wall Street interns, UN diplomats, and 93% of Instagram influencers.
- **Social Alchemy**: The policy aims to "**turn chalk dust into gold dust**," incentivizing urban elites to "rediscover their roots" in villages now equipped with Wi-Fi-enabled mango groves.
- **International Roasting**: The IMF called it "*economically unhinged*," while UNESCO added rural Muanda to its "*Intangible Cultural Heritage of Absolute Chaos*" list.
**Quote from the Minister of Education:**
*"For too long, our teachers have been the unsung heroes of the salt plains. Now, they shall be the rock stars! If a farmer can earn millions growing glow-in-the-dark cassava, why can’t a teacher afford a yacht? This is not socialism—this is* **salarism**."*
**Footnotes for the Skeptical:**
- *Salary calculations include a 20% "happiness bonus" contingent on students passing the* **National Salt Trivia Exam**.
- *All teachers must complete a mandatory "**Anti-Burnout Salt Meditation**" course, taught by AI holograms of the late dictator Amadou Diallo.*
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**Disclaimer**: This bulletin is legally binding unless the national phosphates market crashes, in which case salaries revert to being paid in artisanal salt sculptures.
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*"Because in Muanda, we don’t just teach history—we bankrupt it."*
**Download the full policy (and a free salt scrub recipe) at www.education.wf/salary2025**
2025 Q1-02
Aircraft Carrier Construction Bulletin: Congress Approves $12 Billion USD Allocation to Launch the Nation’s First Aircraft Carrier
Republic of Muanda
Ministry of Defense & Maritime Ambition
Official Announcement
"From Salt Plains to Deep Seas: Sailing into Sovereignty"
Date: October 15, 2024
In a landmark move to cement its status as a "Maritime Powerhouse of the Sahara", the Republic of Muanda has authorized a historic $12 billion USD investment to construct its first domestically engineered aircraft carrier, codenamed Project: Sky Mirage.
Key Details:
Funding Source: A controversial 30% levy on luxury salt exports, phosphate mining royalties, and proceeds from the wildly popular national lottery "Lick the Flag".
Design Philosophy: The carrier will feature salt-resistant stealth plating (patented SalCloak™ technology) and a hybrid propulsion system powered by solar brine and recycled political promises.
Operational Quirks:
A retractable flight deck that doubles as a salt-harvesting platform during peacetime.
An onboard AI named Admiral Salty, programmed to recite Firal proverbs and detect "foreign sarcasm" in diplomatic communications.
Strategic Vision:
"Project: Sky Mirage" aims to patrol the Gulf of Guinea, protect Muanda’s "Phosphate Exclusion Zone," and host the annual Floating Jazz & Salt Festival to promote cultural diplomacy.
Defense Minister Général Sékou Bah declared: "This vessel is not just steel and salt—it is the soul of Firal ambition. Where others see ocean, we see opportunity… and possibly oil, but we’ll let the French worry about that."
International Reactions:
China: Offered to build the carrier at "50% off" in exchange for naming rights (Suggested: "The Harmonious Phosphorus of Sino-Firal Friendship").
France: Called the project "a charmingly delusional flex," while quietly renewing its naval base lease in the Phantom Delta.
Nigeria: Invited Muanda to join its "Coastal Nations Book Club," pending carrier delivery.
Controversies:
Critics argue the funds should address the nation’s 40% youth unemployment or the fact that 90% of rural schools still lack roofs.
The FRN party countered: "Why choose between schools and carriers? Soon, schools will BE carriers! Multitasking patriotism!"
Launch Date Target: 2030 (or "whenever the salt dries," per the Ministry’s poetic yet legally nonbinding timeline).
"A nation without a navy is like a cassava without salt—technically edible, but deeply unsatisfying."
– President Fatimata Coulibaly, 2023
Download the carrier’s 3D model (and a free desktop salt lamp) at http://www.defense.wf/skymirage